My Heart

As I stand in the rain and wind, I feel it’s cold chill me to the bone. Me with my half thoughts and unfinished sentences looking for some answer, some solace in the puddles. Hoping the rain will cleanse me. Make me feel not dirty and unclean and tainted. I’m not looking for happiness at this point. I’m just looking for normalcy again. Just looking to wake and not have thoughts of you flood my head. I miss smiling. You once said that you get used to the suffering. You learn to embrace it and it becomes part of you. Part of your personality. You build huge walls as to not let anyone in. But for good reason. Those of you that have really given yourself to someone know that dark feeling of almost being grief stricken when it inevitably ends. We are so careless with each others feelings sometimes. Another humanistic trait I’m not proud of. It’s as if our time together was a beautiful dream. Like it never even happened. But my heart knows differently…